Talking About Things That Matter: Social Media & Safety

Social media is powerful.

I say that as an adult – who has spent more of my life without social media than with it – and can remember a world where none of these networks existed.

Kids however, don’t know a world without social media.

For kids, social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, TikTok & Snapchat, have always been a part of their lives.

While it might seem like second-nature for our kids to set up accounts on all the social media platforms they can think of, we cannot let that happen mindlessly or without having tough conversations first.

Social media – regardless of how “normal” it has become – has real nuances and dangers that we need to be talking about.

So, here are some thoughts to guide the conversation on social media with kids.

Set an age limit.

While I do believe there are many negotiables, nuances and grey areas when it comes to social media, age limits aren’t one. And, I’m not the only one who thinks so.

Governments around the world have legislated Children’s Online Protection & Privacy Acts to prevent social media networks and websites from collecting information about children under the age of 13 without parental consent.

This is why age limits on social media exist.

It’s not simply because 13 is a magical age, but because when you create a social media account, networks and companies are tracking your personal data.

Privacy is simply an illusion. Like it or not, it’s the truth.

As adults, this is something we must be aware of and make wise decisions about when we post to social media.

However, kids’ privacy shouldn’t be invaded in this way. We are responsible to protect our children – no matter how commonplace all this may seem in today’s world.

I do believe that social media should be steered away from until 13, but I know that for many of you reading this, it may be too late!

Your kids already have accounts – whether with your consent or fake birthdates and emails – and they’re not yet 13. Let me encourage you, accounts can always be deleted. I think this should be the case with younger children – 100% of the time.

However, if your kids are preteens (10-12), I do think that with careful supervision they can use social media successfully.

Do your research about privacy, and bring it into conversations with your kids when they ask about social media.

Be in the know.

Parents, you need to be in the know about social media networks to be effective in this conversation!

While it can be overwhelming and you may just want to bury your head in the sand, you can’t!

You have to know what’s out there, what’s popular, and how these networks work. I know many parents who won’t let their kids create an account on a social media site until they have one!

Bringing knowledge into a conversation makes you seem so much more credible to your kids.

Understanding the ins-and-outs (or at least the basics) of platforms like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, SnapChat, YouTube, Pinterest, TikTok, VSCO, Music.ly, and whatever new apps come out tomorrow, are important.

BONUS:  This may also be a good time to mention that many popular games and apps also serve as social networking sites.

Games like Fortnite or other seemingly harmless apps (especially online games) provide an opportunity for kids to chat & interact with people – both ones they know and ones they don’t!

Be sure to familiarize yourself with those features and keep a close eye on your kids’ usage!

Know the “why” behind their social media usage.

We all know that a lot of the reason kids desire to use social media is because “everyone is doing it.”

Take the time to dig into your kids’ motives behind wanting to create an account on a particular platform.

Understanding their perspective matters.

Knowing the why can also help you make decisions together.

Does your kid want to use Instagram because they want to follow particular celebrities?

Maybe this is a time to have a conversation about if those celebrities are people they should follow, and why or why not.

If there’s a celebrity that is appropriate for them to check in with, why not let them use your account or device to do it until you feel they’re old enough?

Maybe your child wants to use social media because they have a cool business idea? I’ve seen this happening more & more frequently!

This could be an opportunity for a partnership – they can make the posts and create the username, but you hold the password and monitor it all.

Set solid ground rules.

Ground rules for social media really matter.

While social media can be incredibly beneficial and an awesome tool, the risks are paramount! That can’t be overstated.

While we can’t operate in fear, we can operate in wisdom – and that means setting down some important ground rules. Here are some I think should be on the table for every family:

• Private vs. public accounts: I’m a firm advocate of strong privacy settings on every social media platform – especially for kids and teens. Be proactive in making sure this is the case.

• No secrets here!: While I do think that there is absolutely a place for privacy and autonomy in the lives of our children, I don’t believe social media should be one of these areas. Parents should never be blocked or hidden from kids’ social media accounts. You should know passwords, be their first friend and follower, and should be able to ask “Hey, can I check out your phone?” at any time. I’m not talking about incessant commenting or helicopter parenting. I’m talking about protecting your kids by being present on their social media platforms.

• Friends online should be friends IRL (in real life): The only friends and followers kids have on their social media platforms should be people they know in real life. While it may be tempting to accept requests from someone you have a mutual friend with or who looks really awesome, you cannot exercise too much caution. When broaching this with your kids, explain – “Would you tell a stranger at the mall or a restaurant what you had for dinner? Where you’re hanging out tonight? Who your best friends are? Accepting them on social media is like doing the same thing.”

There are no doubt other important things that can be discussed under ground rules – that will be unique to your family. I think kids should be involved in this conversation – answer their questions, allow for vibrant (and heated!) discussion, and be open about your stance. In the end though, rules for safety can’t be negotiable. Be open, hear your kids out, but stand firm!

Keep an eye on “likes.”

We live in a world that is crazed by the amount of likes we get on a post.

I have had many conversations where adults and teens alike admit to deleting a post if it didn’t get the “likes” they thought it would.

In today’s world, likes and followers equate to worth, beauty and popularity.

Beyond safety, social media can have a very real effect on the way your kids view themselves.

While likes are fun to get, they don’t measure the things that are truly great about your kids – their sense of humour, their empathy and compassion, intelligence or who they are as a person.

Be sure to have this conversation before launching social media accounts with your kids, and have them regularly thereafter.

It is so easy to get caught up in the spiral of online popularity (and even celebrity – a kid sitting in their living room in a small town can become an Instagram star).

Kids and teens need to be constantly reminded that their online presence and popularity doesn’t determine their worth.

Maybe you need to be reminded of that too.

We must be vigilant and willing to talk about social media in today’s world with our kids. It’s not going away!

We need to be willing to tackle the tough topic of social media with our kids – for their benefit and ours.

Recommended Resources:

•  18 Social Media Apps & Sites Kids Are Using Right Now from Common Sense Media
• 5 Tips to Help Your Child Safely Navigate Social Media from FOSI
• How to Reduce Anxiety Around Letting Your Kids Use Social Media from Fosi
• Do-it-Yourself House Rules for Online Privacy from OPC of Canada
• Thinkuknow.co.uk (An initiative of CEOP – great to start the convo with young kids)
• Digital Footprint & Privacy Online Videos from Common Craft
• Why It’s Never Too Early to Teach Your Child Good Social Media Habits from Parenting.com

Looking for more resources?
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