Where were you on October 5, 2017?
You probably don’t remember much about that day – but something very significant happened.
It was the day that the New York Times broke the now-famous Harvey Weinstein scandal.
In days that followed, accusations against Weinstein and other famous men began to pile up.
And then – just a few days later – came actress Alyssa Milano’s infamous tweet:
If you’ve been sexually harrassed or assaulted, write ‘me too’ as a reply to this tweet.
With that, the #metoo movement began.
While activist Tarana Burke started the movement back in 2006, it was in the aftermath of the Harvey Weinstein scandal and celebrity backing that #metoo truly caught fire.
According to a Vox article, hundreds of powerful and public figures have been accused of sexual misconduct, harassment or assault since the #metoo movement began.
These accusations – many of them warranted – have left no sphere untouched.
While sexual harrassment and assault are nothing new, the spotlight that has been shone on them is.
Women and men alike are saying “no” to a culture that has allowed these kinds of horrific behaviours to go unnoticed.
This culture has caused me to ask many questions:
How do I parent my kids well in this #metoo era?
How do we talk about such big topics as sexual harassment & assault?
How do we create a healthy, God-honouring view of sex in this messy culture which we live?
In conversations I’ve had with many other parents, their questions are the same.
How do we protect our children?
How do we talk to them about this?
What is age-appropriate and what is not?
How do we explain when someone WE “know” is accused of sexual misconduct?
What do these conversations look like in our world?
There are no easy answers.
The conversation about sex, safety and #metoo is one of the hardest, but most important conversations we need to be having with our kids.
Here are some tips on starting this tough conversation.
Start the conversation early.
In years gone by, parents waited to have “the talk” with their kids until they were nearing puberty.
Those days are long gone.
Age-appropriate conversations need to start with our youngest children. Here are some important points I believe need to be covered:
- “Good touch/bad touch” – Help your kids understand that some parts of their body shouldn’t be touched by other people. This can start with toddlers, and get more detailed as kids grow older.
- “It’s okay to say no!” – Helping kids understand consent is important – especially in today’s world. Allowing your kids to say “no” to giving someone a hug, kiss, being tickled or sitting in someone’s lap – even as toddlers – helps them to understand that their body is THEIRS. They can say no to touch that makes them uncomfortable.
- “Understand your body!” – Helping your kids understand the proper names of their body parts, the difference in boys & girls, and privacy can start when they are very young. Avoiding shame and confusion about these parts of their body and ensuring your kids have true, accurate information is important.
- “You can tell me anything!” – Apart from sex, establish with your kids – as early as you can – that you are a safe person to talk to. They don’t need to hide things from you – even if it is something “wrong” or “bad.” Establishing a line of open communication with your kids on a regular basis means they will feel comfortable coming to you with questions & inappropriate behaviour.
Change the tone of the cultural conversation.
We live in a world where sex has become a god.
As #metoo conversations have escalated, conversations have also started happening about the hook-up culture, pornography and the objectification of women.
Think about it: 88% of scenes in popular pornography films portray verbal and physical aggression – typically towards a woman.
Surely the rise of these kinds of images in our culture has some sort of role to play in the increase in sexual harassment and violence.
I’ll be the first to say – this kind of conversation is not as common when it comes to talking about #metoo.
Many people would say that talking about pornography, the kinds of media we consume, hook-up culture and other ways sex are portrayed in our culture are completely unrelated. It’s seen as prudish and old-fashioned to connect the two.
I am convinced though, that if we truly want to tackle #metoo, we must change the conversation about sex at large in our culture.
When we talk to our kids, we can’t just talk about sexual harrassment, but all the other things too.
Our boys and girls need to hear us talking about pornography and why it harms and objectifies both sexes – and erodes intimacy.
Our boys and girls need to hear they are valuable and important – not an object or icon.
While these conversations are awkward and uncomfortable, we must have them. We can’t steer away.
While it may be unpopular to take a stand against the way sex is portrayed and talked about in our culture, we need to do it.
So, become familiar with your own convictions.
Do reading, spend time in prayer and dig deep into what you believe about pornography, the portrayal of sex in the media, sex outside of marriage, and other topics.
Know what you believe – and why.
Frame the conversation with these beliefs – even if they are in conflict with what others may hold.
Use the Gospel as a framework.
The Gospel actually provides a beautiful framework for talking about sex in the #metoo world.
As horrific as sexual harassment and assault are, as Christians, we shouldn’t be surprised at the brokenness of our world.
We are all broken people, infected by sin – and we do more broken things than we could ever imagine.
Having this framework for brokenness and sin gives us a framework to explain why things like sexual harrassment, rape and assault happen in our world.
It doesn’t excuse them – but indeed, it does explain them.
Thankfully, the Gospel also gives us a bigger, beautiful story.
Weaving the hope of Jesus through the conversations we have with our kids – even about sex – reminds us that there is nothing too horrible in our world that Jesus cannot redeem or restore it.
It gives us a framework for the way things should be – the way the Bible outlines for us.
It gives us hope for the future – the brokenness, abuse and misconduct amidst other things – will one day all fade away in the presence of Jesus.
I think we do ourselves – and our kids – a disservice – when we leave the Gospel out of conversations like these.
Allowing the Gospel to seep into every conversation we have and every parenting decision we make, helps us – and our kids – to understand why we view things the way we do.
There is so much more that could be said about this conversation, but I hope these points provide a starting point.
This is one of the truly tough conversations, but I believe it is so important.
Let’s not shy away from the things that are hard – but with prayer and preparation, dive in with our kids! They are too valuable and this topic is too important to shy away.
Recommended Resources
- “Raising & Leading Kids in our #Metoo Culture” – Gospel@Center
- “God Made All of Me” by Justin & Lindsey Holcomb
- Pure Foundations Series by Jim Burns
- “Talking with Kids About Sex” – Coffee & Crumbs Podcast
- “God’s Design for Sex” Series by Stan & Brenna Jones
- “Helping Our Kids Avoid Sexual Abuse” Handout from Sam Sutherland
- “Do You Have a Secret?” by Jennifer Moore-Mallins
- “Talking to Kids About Sex: 3 Things Christian Parents Shouldn’t Do” from Intoxicated on Life
Looking for more resources on this topic? Check out our “Talking About Things That Matter” Bundle that includes a PDF of this article, discussion questions, recommended resources, and social media images!