If you’ve been around Equip Family for any length of time, you know that I am a huge proponent of talking about the tough topics with kids.
Not only do I believe that we need to talk about hard things with our kids, but we need to embrace talking about them.
We live in a world – and are raising a generation – that doesn’t shy away from difficult conversations.
Perhaps more than any generation before them, kids & students today are ready to talk about issues of justice, equity and fairness – and ask hard questions about faith, religion, science and everything in between.
Some people see that as a negative – but I actually believe it is an incredible opportunity – if we are willing to take it.
I believe if we’re willing to embrace the hard questions,
we can help kids cultivate a life-long faith in Jesus.
I am a believer that lifelong faith isn’t a faith that never asks questions,
but instead a faith that asks difficult questions, has journeyed through doubt and difficulty,
and has been tested and proven true.
And the reality is this – kids are going to ask hard questions, somewhere – to somebody.
We can either be that person – as parents and faith leaders – or they will find someone else.
So how do we do it?
How do we move from cringing when our kids ask us the hard questions to creating an opportunity?
Here are a few practical tidbits:
- Create a posture of listening.
I love what David Bennett says about listening – “When I listen, I am admitting I don’t know everything about what you think. And I don’t know everything that you have experienced.” If we want to embrace the hard questions, we need to be willing to simply listen to whatever it is our kids have to say.
When they’re small, this starts with listening to their ramblings about *whatever*, and their seemingly random questions about God and the Bible. As they grow, we listen – even when we want to jump in and say “But!” or “Don’t you know!?” Listening helps us embrace the tough questions – and helps our kids feel safe to bring them to us! - Don’t feel like you need all the answers.
I think one of the reasons that we feel so uncomfortable with kids’ questions is we feel like we need to be able to answer everything – correctly and profoundly. That’s not true! Kara Powell, faith development expert, says every parent should put this phrase in their vocabulary – “I don’t know, but…”
This lets kids know that we don’t know everything, but…
–> We will work with you to figure it out.
–> I’d love to talk about it more!
–> What do you think? What do your friends think?
–> Here’s something I do know. - You don’t need all the answers, but you do need some.
This may seem a little contradictory – but hear me out!
We don’t need to have the answer to every question our kids have about faith – but we should have some. These answers come when we are grounded in our own faith with God, and when we are doing our own work to discover the truth about what God says.
There are so many great resources out there for parents that tackle tough topics – from faith & science to suffering and why it happens, to sexuality, to racial justice, to everything in between. Find trusted resources open up your Bible, talk to people you trust, and do the work yourself – so you can be prepared when questions come knocking. - Talk about tough things before the questions come.
Find age-appropriate ways to introduce these tough conversations before the barrage of questions hits.
In our house, we have read some amazing books on diversity & racism already with our littles – to start conversations on the tough topics before our kids experience them and ask questions.
We try to ask – “Do you have any questions about that?” – whenever we talk about the Bible or what we learned at church, to make it part of our routine.
We’ve had some open, but age-appropriate conversations about suffering and hard times in the past 2 years through the pandemic – because we want honesty to be part of our kids’ faith journey.
It’s not easy to talk about the tough stuff – but it’s so worth it.
Embracing the questions, the doubt and the mystery helps our kids grow a lifelong, deeply rooted faith – so let’s dive in together.